Perplexed

I’m having a difficult time understanding the concept behind adults wearing backpacks.  There once was a time when I would spot a fellow commuter on the subway, with a backpack strapped on tight and becoming perplexed, I would think: Oh, he/she must be an adult student.  Thaaaat's why.   In my opinion, there are still many more reasonable alternatives to an L.L Bean, but hey, sometimes it's about balance and convenience, and I get that.  Nowadays, however, these obtrusive accessories are popping up on the backs of waaaaaaaay too many passerby.  There is no way that this many people are getting their MBA, right?  So if that's not the case, then what the hell is the story here?

There should be no reason that an adult (not enrolled in school) should be strutting around anywhere outside of a mountainous region donning a bookbag. And some of these are packed to the brim! We're talking zipper-busting, boulder-bearing, massive pieces of equipment.  It just doesn't make sense.  There's nothing worse than getting side-swiped by one as you try to make your way down the street.  And gender speaking, women really have no excuse at all.  God invented handbags for a reason, ladies.  And they come in all sizes too! More importantly, what do you need for a days outing that can't fit into a purse?  How can you look your favorite leather bag in the face and say, "Not today, buddy. I'm taking the North Face."  I wouldn't even be able to fill up the paisely-embroidered front pouch of my 6th-grade Jansport with the contents of my purse these days.  Cell phone, lipstick, camera, sunglasses, pen, gum? What else?  Tell me.

I've worn a bookbag once in the past 5 years and it was because I was climbing a mountain.  And to be honest, it wasn't even mine.  I was just doing someone a favor and lessening the load for a couple miles.  Now this bookbag made sense. It had extra layers of clothing, socks, gloves, a winter cap, fruit, granola bars, peanut-butter sammys, antibacterial, chapstick, a camera, a phone, several water bottles, a fifth of gin, handwarmers, first aid supplies, etc.  Of course this laundry list of stuff required a bookbag. I understood the theory behind it.

Up until about a year ago, when we would be packing for a trip, my boyfriend would reach into the back of our closet and grab his trusty black bookbag.  As he would begin to fill it with all his personal belongings, I would have to count to 5 before approaching him.  Baffled and offended by his lack of common sense, I would ask "Why the bookbag?"  He would look at me like I was the one pulling out an article from 1989 and out of pity, confusion....or I don't know what, I would back down.  But I finally gained the courage to explain to him (with a little help from Google Images) what a grown man looks like with a knapsack harnessed to his back.  Now he gets it. And his black bookbag hasn't made an appearance since.

We trudge through the hallways of elementary, high school, and for some, college, with these things. Was that not enough? Next time you pass a 40 year-old tossing one of these over his back, please ask them what the F is inside and then report back. Thank you.
-The Bird